Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The epic battle you totally slept through
Last night I was having problems sleeping. Mostly because Mo kept waking me up with time sensitive matters like buying tickets to the midnight showing of Conan the Barbarian.
So around 1am I kinda half woke up to the feeling of hair sliding down my forehead. I went to push it out of the way and got this creepy ass feeling that something just ran across my face.
I sat up and turned on the light to find Mo sleeping on his side facing away from me and a HUGE FREAKING BROWN SPIDER chilling on his shoulder trying to blend in with our blankets.
I jumped up, grabbed a DVD case off the dresser and announced in my calmest half asleep-freaked out-almost-yelling voice, "Dont move! I got this! Im going to kill this sucker!"
My half asleep brain didnt realize that Mo was still asleep and totally unaware of the half dollar sized spider perched on this shoulder like a parrot.
I hit the spider kinda gently at first cause I felt bad about hitting Mo. I screamed "I got him!" and lifted the DVD case up then screamed "Shit! Hes still alive!" as the spider ran down to Mos leg.
The stupid spider was fast and built like a tank. It ran up and down Mo as I wacked at it for a good 30 seconds screaming "Sorry!" every time I hit him.
Finally, the spider got back up to Mos shoulder and I wacked it as hard as I could. The spider crumpled in defeat onto the bed and Mo sat up and looked at me like, "What did I do?" as I pumped my fist in the air and screamed "I got him!!!"
Mo just blinked at me and said, "Why did you hit me?"
"I told you there was a spider! Look! Its freaking huge!"
Mo looked at the spider, "Wow, hes big! You killed him?"
....No, I asked him politely to go to hell, so he did.
Im bummed. I hate spiders and usually run away from them and get someone else to kill them but this time I valiantly squished the sucker myself which probably saved Mo from getting his brains sucked out by the monster and he slept through it!
I didnt even get a thank you.