Stupid feel good comedies and their...feel goodie...ness..ss

I hope everyone has this. A stupid goal that leads to enlightenment.

I did not know that my enlightenment would come so quickly. Im almost scared that I dont know myself at all and by the end of the year I'll be a totally different person (if so, hopefully that different me has a multi million dollar book deal d^-^b)

I am not good at painting on computers. I have very little practice. This is because when I start to paint anything on the computer I stop and compare myself to other artists. Ultimately I convince myself that I need more practice and my work is an embarrassment so I stop whatever I am doing and leave it to a file that will forever be known as "projects" on an external hard drive that lives in my closet.

I only appreciate my own work when its in front of me.

When I paint I cant "undo" anything. I can only correct. My strokes are mine. The chosen colors cant be taken back without a LOT of work. That is me in a painting and as stupid as it may sound, I can actually put emotions to certain paintings I have done. I can put triumph to a painting in my kitchen ... and total embarrassment to hurried brush strokes in my parents living room.

I cant do that with a computer. I can look at what I drew and decide to get rid of the whole thing without a ceremony. Delete, gone. Undo: a simple stroke that could have lead to something fantastic gone, in seconds without a thought.

When I draw on paper I see me. When I draw on a computer I want to be someone else.

So by the end of the year, will I only draw on paper or will I learn to love both mediums and accept myself for who I am no matter what?

Will I get a book deal and/or a romantic comedy script?

Only Oprah or her lackeys (I pay cash for good reviews) can tell.